The non-abusive & unhealthy man:
- Lacks effort. This type of boyfriend may forget to call you back, forgets your anniversary, your birthday, and the right time to show up for a date. He also may not set aside free time to spend with you-and free time doesn’t mean in front of the television only. Presents may be completely thoughtless, given unwrapped, and cheap. While not all men have the financial ability to shower their girlfriend with wonderful gifts, it is usually pretty obvious when a man gives a present just so that he can say that he did. Ladies, as Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo of the book say, “He’s Just Not That Into You.” You deserve better. Period.
- Doesn’t take you out to eat. So what? Some people are homebodies, right? Right and wrong. While some people really aren’t into sampling the delicacies of local restaurants, if your boyfriend has never taken you out to eat and always expects you or McDonald’s to cook, he is not worth your time. A man who truly loves you will always be looking for new ways to make you happy and to make your life easier, and eating is a big one, since we all have to eat. Again, a boyfriend does not have to be blowing hundreds of dollars on fancy restaurants, but he should at least be making the effort to have a romantic dinner with you once in a while, even if it’s at the downtown pizza joint.
- Asks to borrow money. Unless you are married or living together and equally splitting bills (which I don’t recommend), a man should not be asking you to borrow money EVER, especially if he has a job. In my opinion, neither partner should ever ask to borrow money during the dating phase of the relationship, as both of you should be striving to prove that you can independently function and support yourselves while also functioning as a couple. I don’t care if a man is sick, lost his job, or is disabled-asking your boyfriend/girlfriend for cash is just not right. It sounds harsh, but it is much easier to respect people who can pull themselves out of a tight situation, and money problems should not arise while simply dating and not co-habiting.
- Doesn’t listen. When one person cares about another, they want nothing more than to hear that person’s thoughts, opinions, goals, and dreams. If you feel like your boyfriend isn’t truly listening to you and pays more attention to his guy pals or the game, then what you have is a loser, or at least someone who doesn’t love you enough to care. Dating is usually about deciding if the person you are seeing is good enough for the long run. If your partner isn’t listening to what you have to say about a petty problem at work, you can pretty much guarantee that they will be emotionally absent in dealing with bigger issues later on like kids and bills.
- Isn’t affectionate. While people who are dating don’t have to constantly make out or hold each other, if your boyfriend lacks affection in the dating phase and you feel neglected now, this is just a small glimpse of what the future will be like. Affection is about feeling secure and comforted but not overwhelmed. Lacking security and comfort makes for a pretty cold and lonely relationship, wouldn’t you agree?
- Doesn’t make you feel good. Even if the man isn’t verbally abusive or doesn’t purposely make you feel bad, if you don’t feel like the smartest and most beautiful woman in his presence, then he just isn’t for you. Not actively listening to you, not showing adequate affection, or not occasionally complimenting you are all behaviors that can make you feel bad around him. This is your boyfriend, ladies, who should make you feel amazing and wholly energized and alive. Always strive for better if your needs aren’t being met because there are men out there you will click with and who know how to treat a woman.